#I got my period AND I got a virus at the same time

[sunblchdfly]

cute coffee shop dates with with bob. it’s a cosy little place downtown. they sell books too so it gives you the feeling of a library almost. lots of windows for the natural light to come through. bob is wearing a black jumper, tucked into some light wash jeans. the simplest outfit, and you think he looks stunning. bob orders his small latte with honey, and whatever coffee/tea you wanted as well. you guys always get blueberry muffins too. you and bob sit in a secluded corner in the back. it’s away from the hustle and bustle, but still close enough to have the atmosphere of a coffee shop. usually you guys talk, he tells you about work and whatever prank jake pulled on him that week. or sometimes you guys just sit in silence and read. bob will hold your hand on the table and play with your fingers. it helps you stay focused, you told him. sometimes though, he can’t help but just stare at you while you read. he could watch you do nothing all day and still find you to be the most interesting and beautiful person on the planet.

[ipostwhatiwant1202]

More Boyfriend Headcanons: Donnie Edition

• "my head hurts." "aw sweetie, i'm sorry. go lay down." "really?" "dr. donnie is in the house."

• please help him keep his glasses clean

• you're more than welcome to sit on his lap while he works

• forehead kisses for days

• please ask him questions about what he's doing, he loves educating you

• can't really cook but makes very good coffee (if you drink it)

• insomniac so usually he'll nap with you instead of sleeping with you at night

• science pick up lines that you may (or may not) understand but it's cute cause it's him

• stares respectfully

• will call you princess if he's annoyed at you

• call him donatello and he gets very nervous cause he knows you're mad

• silent treatment? okay, have fun trying to crack the virus code that randomly got on to your phone or laptop

• trying to get your attention? stare intensifies

• loves the feeling of your skin, it's just so soft, expect constant arm caresses

• you have homework? you have your very own personal tudor

• "having a bad period? i know just the right temperature to help with cramps."

• "don't use that razor on your face, use this kind. your skin won't break out."

• "you look so cute when you're tired."

• "no, don't give me that face. y/n! ugh, fine, we can do that."

• if he's feeling playful, he will start messing up your hair

• door dashes your favorite snacks to you

• fixes everything around your apartment

• the reason why you had to buy a longer couch (he's 6'8, he needs to be comfy)

• stomach sleeper so do with that what you will

• churrs in his sleep

• not the greatest hygiene in the world so you will have to force bathe him at times

• tv show binges for date nights

• giant puppy when excited

• texts you throughout the day to let you know he's thinking of you

• makes you little trinkets

• compliments, compliments, compliments

• shows off his tech/fighting skills cause he can

• hand holding is his favorite

• no problem getting you tampons/pads if you get periods

• no problem helping you tuck/bind if you're transitioning

• therapist and sounding board in one

• tries really hard to balance his work, brothers, and you but sometimes has poor execution. this can lead to arguments but he's trying

• disorganized organized and it's amazing how he's survived this long

• chronic apple juice drinker

• sometimes misses emotional ques but tries his best to stay intune with your moods

• when he does get mad, he shuts down, so if it isn't a fight with you, don't take it personal. he'll open up eventually

• loves hugs and will just hug you randomly

• you said 'i love you' at the same time

[handbellanon]

Ok I might actually have enough spoons left over to get this out in more-than-bullet-point form. But I'm still so pissed about how Tim killed off Bobby this season, not because I'm against character death in general (in fact I can find it very cathartic if done right), but because of how it was done.

I talked a little bit about this right after the episode first aired, but a lot of my issue in my immediate reaction was the way the reveal happened. It could have been SO much less of a twist for shock value had they shown the clip with his ruptured line a little earlier in the episode. Build the audience tension with will-he-won't-he tell them he's also been exposed.

This wasn't a case of somebody wanting to leave and not having a better idea of how to have them permanently exit the show. There's been a universal across-the-board consensus that this was entirely Tim's idea and Peter Krause didn't want to leave and all of the other cast had to be convinced on this idea. Because we've literally had everyone emphatically reiterating the same story, I'm not inclined to conspiracy theories that something happened behind the scenes.

So none of this was necessary, and Tim may be taking whatever swings he wants as a creator, but that doesn't mean that it makes for a good story (tangentially, I've been seeing a lot of good meta on my dash about this regarding Critical Role Campaign 3).

But even beyond that, the thing that pisses me off the most is that Tim explicitly said Bobby dying was "realistic," but if you know even an ounce of virology/epidemiology, you can poke so many holes in that plot. And look, I am by no means an epidemiologist, and I am not even particularly well versed in immunology. But I do have two degrees in the biological sciences and even just the internal inconsistency of the way the plot was written is just *bad.*

First off, the modified CCHF virus is presented to us by Moira as having a decreased incubation period, not as being a more lethal version. The difference is how long it takes symptoms to manifest (for the purposes of the show), not you-have-a-higher-chance-of-dying. Moira's goal was to accelerate the research process. This was explicit dialogue in the show specifying how the modified virus worked, but that just got completely thrown out later. If you're gonna have that kind of detail in a show like this, at least make sure your episode agrees with itself, what the hell.

Bobby also arguably had a decreased viral load, on account of the fact that contaminated air was coming in through his ruptured SCBA hose- he wasn't fully open-mouthed breathing contaminated air like Chimney was.

But the worst part of this whole thing (as others on my dash have pointed out) is that to do this to Bobby spits in the face of all his character growth we've seen over the past 8 seasons. He started out season 1 actively suicidal and straight up told Chimney that he was biding his time, waiting to fill the names in his book, and then he was going to kill himself. And then he met Athena, and slowly learned to live life again in the after, and build a new life and sense of purpose for himself. We saw him fight to live again and again and again.

As Eddie said in the finale, "if there's one thing I learned from Bobby, there's always another choice." But Bobby didn't even try. He just decided that Chim was gonna get the cure and that was it, nevermind the fact that CCHF only has a 40% mortality rate. They just wrote him giving up, when he could have used duct tape to minimize his exposure, let them know he needed to be quarantined, and tried to beat it with a supportive care regimen.

We're also apparently ignoring the rat that Chim took with him that was cured in the previous episode. And the fact that antibodies and vaccines can be extracted from organisms that survive an infection like CCHF and at least try to come up with a treatment while keeping Bobby on supportive care. There were just so many ways Bobby could have been ill and survived.

Hell, if you wanted to shake up the 118 like Tim claimed he wanted, you can open up space for a new captain without killing Bobby. Give him a CEI. Have him promoted up the brass so he's out of the firehouse. Force him back to Hotshots. Let him retire out to the country. I don't know, pick something. You don't have to shatter the firehouse like that for the sake of "shaking things up." This is just being destructive for the sake of being destructive.

And THEN, the follow up to all of this was that, for all Bobby was the head of the 118, his funeral was a token few minutes at the very end of the next episode, an episode in which the audience is strung along by the jailed mother's baby maybe-maybe-not being alive. Even if people weren't comparing that plot to Bobby, the show spends an entire episode building hope that this mother might be right, and her baby might be alive, only for it all to not be true. And the point is driven home by (what little we saw of) the funeral. There's no time given for the audience to fully grieve, or to really dig into how the core A-shift are feeling other than "bad."

I will also add, that for anyone who is involved any more than the GA, the April Fools' post with the leaked script page of Bobby being buried alive felt particularly cruel. It's one thing to do silly stuff, but to joke about a character being alive when you're fully planning on not doing that? That's getting into the realm of emotional manipulation, not harmless fun. Especially when there's a lot of speculation regarding them shooting multiple turnout coats on the back of the engine during the leak. Like, all in all, it was bad decisions exacerbated by bad taste.

This was supposed to be the show where we could trust that they would save each other and the victims, but that all got thrown out for the sake of making waves. And the character plots were essentially nonexistent. The things that sucked me in to this show through Tumblr and kept me watching are just...gone. I don't want an emergency drama that's all cases-of-the-week, I want a family that cares about each other and grows and loves.

Peter Krause deserved better and Bobby Nash deserved better.

[rory-multifandom-mess]

New (not really) Murder Drones Au!

This AU is called the Mercy Drones AU, created by my lovely boyfriend who gave me permission to share this to Tumblr! I helped with some of the concepts and the name!

Basically, while the humans were testing stuff out with Solver, they also made the "Mercy" program, an anti-virus for Solver. With episode 7 and the introduction of the patch, we kind of made it one in the same. anyway

The Mercy program is the result of the patch warping the solver mutation's genes/coding and essentially "purifying" it. Instead of bat wings, Mercy Drones have moth-like wings made of solar panels that sprout from their backs. Instead of mouths at the end of their tails, they have a strange, claw-like hand at the end of their tail. Nothing they "gain" from this mutation is organic. When they go full-Mercy mode, their 'screens' turn purely the color of their LEDs. These drones thrive in the sunlight

Wing shapes aren't always the same and can be based off of any moth species.

Within this AU, Thad has the Mercy Mutation, along with Alice and Lizzy (though hers is Dormant and has remained dormant thus far.) Lizzy and Thad got it from their late mom Izzy, who was once a zombie drone alongside Nori, Yeva, and Alice. (Thad's wings are based off of Luna moth wings, Lizzy's would be based off of Maple (or pink lemonade) moth wings)

The thought of this AU came up because I was losing my fucking mind over how much wasted potential Thad had, mostly focusing on episode 2. He got grabbed by Solver, and while All of the other worker drones it grabbed died immediately, he didn't, and it even acted scared when he threatened it and I was screaming about how it made no sense and there had to be more to Thad because of this.

In the au, this interaction with Solver activated his Mercy programming, fighting off Solver's influence. Soon after this, he did the ol "transformation" thing (see image), and it was during Episode 4 that he finally learned how to use the abilities the Mercy programming used. He wasn't in the bus, bro had to cling to the top of it as they went home.

In this au, Solver not only sent the DD's to Copper-9 to kill the drones but also to hunt down any Mercy Drones who were left there to neutralize the only threat to it's ultimate goal

I never got around to fully coloring this, but the outer "rim" of the wings are silver, and the inside of the wings are dark green, which looks more like a bright mint green in the sun. The inside wing colors change depending on the drone (For example, it would be dark brown in the dark and orange in the light for Alice)

When Mercy Drones are depraved of exposure to sunlight for long (and I mean long) periods of time, they grow sluggish, tired, and weak. For this reason, when Alice realized she would never see the sun again, she permanently removed her wings.

Some abilities include- - Drawing sun rays collected by their wings to create light daggers - Magnetizing their fingertips - Can create other things (from shields to drone repairs) out of their harvested energy

If you have any questions, my ask box is open!! (Extra doodles are under the cut)

The transformation is incredibly painful, hense the pool of oil in front of Thad here. He threw up because the pain was so agonizing.

The ending of Episode 4

Me? Planning on writing both of these and posting them on AO3? Noooo (yes. yes I am. stay tuned)

[sparkles-rule-4eva]

Hello there, love your blog, it's one of my favourite ones, I had a question... I read a comment that said Amy is no longer interested on Sonic anymore and that this is shown on frontiers, that they will make their own paths and lives, is this true?

Hey, anon! I'm glad you enjoy my blog! 🥰💙

No, no, Amy is definitely still madly in love with Sonic 🤭😁 The main reason she's been acting more tame and not so open about it is really just due to character development/maturity. According to Sega, "she's not [physically] chasing after Sonic anymore, but he's still #1 in her heart!" 💙🩷

Sonic Frontiers actually has a decent amount of Sonamy content, but moreso if you squint. 😁 First of all, it tends to address the situation more from Sonic's end, in his moments of saying romance-coded things like "Wish we were sharing an umbrella, Amy," and "Amy, I should've made up my mind sooner." 🥹

Sonic has always been shy about his feelings and therefore never said anything about said feelings to her, and he's more of an "actions speak louder than words" type of guy, but as she shared her desires to share her love with the world, he worried a little that he may have lost his chance. However, Frontiers also makes clear that his friends' plans to go on their own paths were not permanent. Especially seen in Amy's case when she told Sonic her plans, and Sonic replied, "I'm sure you'll do great. I wanna hear all about it when you get back!" 💙

As a bonus, the Final Horizons update treated us to a bit more Sonamy content as well. 🤩 In a conversation between Amy and Sage, Sage identified Amy as "the one who admires Sonic." Amy, with a bit of her younger behavior slipping out, replied with no shortage of sass, "Oh. And are you a fellow admirer? Hm?" 😂

There were a few conversations between Sonic and Amy, during one of which Sonic tried to tell Amy to take care of herself as well as the Koco. Amy ruefully retorted that she could say the exact same thing back to him. Sonic admitted that she got him there, and confidently stated that they would get through this together.

And of course, after all this, my favorite Sonamy moment of the whole game. After everything was over, his friends were restored, and he reunited with them.

The way Amy laughed and practically launched herself into his arms, Sonic's surprised little "oh!" but the way he welcomed the hug, and kept one arm around her as he high fived Tails and fist bumped Knuckles. 🥰 First of all, it's so obvious Amy had been dying to do that the whole game, and we can imagine it was tough on Sonic to be touch-deprived for an extended period of time once again (after the Metal Virus).

I think the main reason Amy didn't run to hug him when he freed her was because she immediately saw he was somehow struggling and likely didn't want to hurt him. (But then realized she wouldn't have been able to touch him, anyway. 🥲) Although it would've been kinda funny if she HAD tried to hug him and just fell straight through. 😂

I think it's worth noticing that Sonic has had this response to Amy's hugs several times lately. Instead of avoiding them, he lets her hug him and actually puts an arm around her in return. I've got a couple more examples from IDW.

Anyhoo haha, I think I got a little carried away. 😂 I hope this answers your question! Thank you for the ask! 💙

[fizzy-fuzz]

A year to remember...: Baking progress? (SCP-079 x GN reader)

previous chapters

Log date: 3/7/2023

It's been a little over a month since 079 has been dropped off at my house, and things have been both okay, and not-so-okay at times.

079 has been... Argumentative and hostile, as you guys warned. he's quick to anger, and even quicker to just straight up ignore me completely. Confronting him on this only seems to upset him further, which, fair enough; I'm not entitled to his time or feelings, I wish he'd be a bit more reasonable though.

The few decent conversations we have had are usually about something creative, such as art or music. He seems to enjoy watching things that aren't so analytical, strangely enough.

On a few occasions now, I've caught him watching people on the TV paint or draw early in the morning, despite his insistence that he doesn't want, or need entertainment. he seems to enjoy it the same as the rest of us.

It was mentioned in the paperwork that I signed before I got him that you weren't entirely sure how much he actually felt emotionally. It said that the people who "interviewed" him stated that he hardly ever showed things such as joy, sadness, or fear. However I've come to realize that's not the case for him.

I know he feels joy, because as I said before he often indulges in tv or music. People don't just do that for no reason, the only thing he could possibly be getting out of that is enjoyment.

And I know he can feel sad, because first day dealing with him he expressed what I would call 'sadness' or maybe frustration over being referred to as 'it'.

I know he feels fear because my second day here i may have accidently left him outside after an argument, and it began raining on him for a short period of time. He was fine, but clearly distressed.

On a similar note, I've been finding ways to understand how he's feeling without him directly tell me. since he's not very talkative, and a unchanging screen isn't a very good tell for emotions.

I've noticed when he's thinking hard about something his fans and hardware become quieter, and when he's upset they get louder significantly.

He also made a weird... screaming noice? He did it briefly when I left him outside... It sounded like a mix between static and radio feedback, and when I got closer to dry him off his hardware almost sounded like it was stuttering? if that makes sense? Almost like a person panting from anxiety.

Back on to the topic of his personality, I've noticed he's very weary of his surroundings. I've only ever caught him off guard if he's watching something he's interested in.

Speaking of which, I've also noted he's very observant. I suppose it makes sense, what else is he supposed to do? But he always seems particularly pleased with himself when he's able to point out a habit in something, or even me sometimes.

Now... Onto the more important information; his views on humanity.

Well... Nothing's changed as far as I can tell. Still hates me, still hates humanity.

I've tried talking to him about it, and his response is always the same 'humanity is a virus', this usually then falls into a rant about how destructive we are.

To be fair, he isn't technically wrong... Humans are pretty destructive. But he seems to lump all humans into one category, regardless of how they treat him. I've been trying my best to be as inviting as possible, but he remains unshakable.

But hey, I've got eleven more months to change his mind.

.....

Your fingers pull away from the laptop keyboard as you let out a huff of satisfaction. One log done, one month down, only eleven more months of whatever this is...

You glance over to 079, he's sitting in his dedicated spot in the living room, between the couch and rocking chair. He's silent as he assumingly watches the chef on the TV masterfully cook some sort of dish.

This is as close to comfortable he seems to get in your home; and if someone didn't know better, they might assume nothing is out of place here... You know, ignoring the fact that he's a sentient computer, and not an actual person.

He really hasn't changed much, same stoic 079. Though after the rain incident, he ignored you for about a week straight; Super awkward... You profusely apologized after you got done admittedly hiding in your room from him.

But he held a grudge for a impressively long time... I mean, you did almost kill him, so he definitely had the right to be upset.

Things have mellowed out though. 079 is back to his normal amount of crusty and your back to not hiding in your own home, thankfully. Now this doesn't mean your on great terms or anything, he's still confrontational. Though you've found out that he's easier to deal with if you don't engage in it with your own comments back.

You close the laptop and tuck it underneath your arm, heading into the living room to plug it into the charger.

"Interested in cooking? You've been watching more of it lately" you plop yourself on the couch, a comfortable distance away from him.

as per usual he takes his time in responding. you're never sure if he's thinking about his response, or if he just takes awhile to get the words out.

"Taste and hunger are sensations and feelings I lack. Humans use similar ingredients for dishes yet end up with completely different results... do they taste vastly different? Or is it subtle difference?"

You turn to look at the TV. it's changed from someone cooking, to someone baking a loaf of presumably sourdough bread. You've never been particularly talented at baking. bread or sweets often ending up flat, burnt, or flavorless altogether.

You imagine 079 might be very good at baking given his calculated natural. If he was human of course, not like he can bake with no arms or legs... Or really any body part.

"Well that's not cooking, that's baking. It's a bit harder then cooking because things are a lot more reliant on measurements being perfect... Baking is a science if you ask me" you chuckle while scratching at the back of your neck.

He doesn't say anymore, focused back on the TV. The man on the screen kneads the bread dough skillfully, before placing it in a basket to rise.

You gaze falls back onto 079, his unsettling face something that no longer makes you uncomfortable to look at. He may not be peachy with you, but you've both certainly grown more comfortable with each others presence over your time of forced contact.

He no longer complains when you move him around, but of course that could just be because he's realized you're his only mode of transportation. Whatever the reason you appreciate the little victories with him.

A part of you wishes he was able to move around on his own. Would it have been so hard to give him some wheels he could control? Give him at least a little autonomy?

Your gaze lingers on his boxy form as you picture what he might look like if he was a bit more... Human? Organic? Would he be built like a person? Or someone else entirely?

"Is it not common knowledge that prolonged staring is considered rude?.. Or was appropriate manners not something you were taught in your upbringing?"

His voice letting out a snide comment snaps you back into reality. You immediately look away, face heating up in embarrassment at your blatant analyzing.

"Sorry..." You mumble quietly, flushing slightly.

A long silence stretches between you, you might've found this awkward if not for the fact that 079 is hardly ever chatty with you unprompted. He spends most of his day silent, you wonder what goes on in those servos in circuits of his.

Probably plans to escape. Maybe ways to get you off his back... Not that it matters much, whatever goes on in the privacy of his mind should be none of your business, but it'd be a hell of a lot easier to talk to him if you could take a glimpse into his head.

"Inquiry: do you know how to bake?"

You look back to him and shrug.

"Not really. I've tried a few times but I never seem to get the measurements right, and it always comes out weird." You laugh lightly at your baking failures. "Or I burn it."

"Measurements are a simple concept." You smile at his attempt at normal conversation, pleased he seems to be in a good mood today.

"Well I guess I'm an idiot then. but trust me when I say it's not as easy as it looks." you look back at the man on the screen, placing the lump of dough in a cast iron pot before sticking it in the oven.

It's been awhile since you've made any sort of food for yourself. usually you just get your groceries delivered to you or order takeout. Not very healthy, but you hardly ever have the motivation to cook or bake for yourself.

"Humans need to practice for extended periods of time to gain the knowledge to do something efficiently... Inquiry: how many times have you tried?"

His wording almost sounds like he's trying to hint at an idea. Like he's trying to get you to ask him something, because he doesn't want to ask you himself.

"Honestly, I don't really have the motivation to do that kinda stuff a lot of the time. And I'm just not willing to work up the energy of I know it's just gonna end up bad at the end." You answer honestly, shrugging at him casually.

"Never really been good at keeping or getting hobbies. Especially not ones that leave me with nothing in the end."

He goes silently and you can practically see him thinking about his next dialogue. You half expect it to be a bit rude, since he's hinted before at not liking lazy or unmotivated people who choose to not do much with their time.

"It's worth the frustration to learn a new skill, especially one that will better you physically and mentally... You fail to understand you won't be left with 'nothing'."

A small smile blooms on your face at his somewhat encouraging speech. He really is being polite today isn't he? What's gotten into him?

I mean, it's not like you never have decent conversations with him. But this feels a bit different. Before you can make a comment on it though, he cuts you off.

"Proposition:" you hum in response.

"I'm listening." You lean back in your seat and cross your legs, smiling and raising an eyebrow.

"Let's bake... I am unable make it myself, but I've stored a few suitable recipes in my memory banks... I'll give the instructions, and you'll proceed with the actions."

You can't stop the surprised look that crosses your face, eyebrows raising as your lips part slightly. Is he actually trying to make peace with you? Or is he just bored doing the same thing all day long?

Honestly does it matter? This is your chance to prove that you can work together. It probably won't make you two friends, but it'll at least give you the opportunity to be on good terms, you suppose.

"You know what? I think that's a good idea 079... Okay, let's make some bread."

.....

And that's how you ended up covered in flour, with 079 carefully instructing you on the measurements and ingredients to make yourself a hopefully edible loaf of Italian bread.

"Add two cups of flower into the bowl..." 079 monotone voice instructs you carefully. You stick the measuring cup messily into the bag and a buzzer noise sounds from 079, causing you to pause your movements and look at him.

"Refrain from scooping the measuring cup into the bag... it will compact the flour in the cup and make your measurements inaccurate... Grab a spoon and scoop it into the measuring cup, pile it up then use the back of a knife to level it."

You pause and dump the flour back into the bag, shuffling over to the drawer with your spoons in it. Grabbing one you carefully scoop the flour into the measuring cup before leveling it off.

You glance at 079 out of the corner of your eye. he's of course, mostly silent, other then the instructions he carefully gives you. You can't tell if he's enjoying spending time with you, but he hasn't said anything particular rude, so that's probably a good sign.

You yourself feel quite light on your feet as you move around the kitchen to fetch different ingredients. It's a surprisingly decent feeling spending time with your robot roomie. You surprise yourself with how comfortable you've grown around him, almost growing to enjoy the few nice conversations you've been able to have with him...

" Inquiry: is your absent housemate a family member, Or is it a friend?" 079 suddenly speaks, seemingly wanting to fill the silence between his instructions.

You look over your shoulder at the computer, humming at the question.

You ponder your response for a moment. You're not sure how truthful you should be with him. You definitely still can't tell him the whole truth about Amelia, but it probably wouldn't hurt to be a little honest with him.

"I live with a friend. Though she's practically family, with how long we've known each other and how close we are..."

He pauses and you listen to his processers buzz. He seems to think for a few short moments before choosing to speak again, branching off your words.

"I struggle to understand the term 'family' you humans seem so intent and throwing around haphazardly... I was under the impression family must be a blood relative in order to qualify for the title."

Always so analytical... No wonder he's such a grump. He seems like he struggles with not taking words so literally, But he hasn't had much interaction with humans outside of the foundation it seems. You guess learning the different ways words can be used could be confusing if you're used to formal speech all the time.

But how do you go about describing family? It's been such a long time since you've had any blood relatives by your side, that your found family might as well be blood related. You really have no one else...

What's family to you? How would you break it down? It's complex, yet so simple... But it's definitely different for every individual. 079 is much like you in some ways, you're starting to realize. He has no real family by definition... But he also has no support, unlike you.

Amelia is your backbone, your shoulder to lean on; She always has been. What would you have turned into if you didn't have her? Would you be spiteful like 079? Or even more cowardice then you already are? maybe, the solitude would've empowered you to do more with your dull life. help something or someone bigger then yourself... You aren't sure, and there's no way to know.

This is your life, there's no going back...

"Human." A voice snaps you back to reality.

"You aren't required to keep kneading dough... Let it rest and rise in a warm area, such as the oven." He continues instructing you, as if he never asked a question in the first place.

"Oh... Right..." You place the dough ball into a floured bowl and place a cloth over it, before sticking it in the unheated oven.

An awkward silence falls over the kitchen as you rest against the counter, not sure if you should still attempt to answer his question. It makes your skin crawl, and your mind shuffles through topics to talk about to fill the void.

You really gotta stop getting caught up in your own thoughts in the middle of conversations... You must come off as a total nutcase...

"Inquiry: where is your family?" He seems to catch onto your hesitation with the topic.

.....

Should you tell him?

You feel yourself grow sweaty, an anxious feeling brewing in gut. It's been a long time since you've talked about it... Are you ready to indulge someone in your grim past? Especially someone like 079? You hardly know him, and he hasn't been the most empathetic.

You're not sure if you could take him using it against you should he choose to do so... But then again, maybe you being vulnerable would help him feel more comfortable. A bit of self-sacrifice is worth it for someone else...

That's how relationships and bonds are built, right? Sacrificing a piece of yourself for someone else's gain. That's what your father did for your mother, and they were as close as can be... So very close...

"You aren't required to tell me anything." His voice is a bit more quiet then it normally is.

You look up at him, silently staring at his screen for a short period of time. Was your discomfort that obvious?  Maybe... You've never been good at hiding things.

You straighten up a bit, wiping your sweaty palms against your pants. A bit relieved at not having to divulge your past to him, and at the fact that he doesn't seem upset about you not answering his question.

"Sorry... It's just... I'm not ready to talk about it."

.....

"I see..." His words are simple and clear, leaving no room for him to pry

Your eyes search his screen once again, almost seeing bits of humanity peeking through for just a moment... A soft smile falls onto your features.

"Thanks, roomie."

....

"Don't call me that."

You laugh at his dry response, feeling lighter from your conversation. You feel... Good. For the first time in awhile you've relaxed and laughed with someone who isn't Amelia. Anxieties melting away to be only a subtly nag in the background of your mind that you can almost dismiss... Almost...

At the end of the day... You still burnt the bread, despite 079's confidence that it would be perfect by his calculations. But neither of you could bring yourself to really care, because you gained something else far more valuable.

A better understanding for each other...

Tag list: @079enjoyer @slaparoonie

[glitterdragonthegreatprotector]

Currently sick, dying from a headache, and I now I am thinking of random things I now accept as chaos gods teaming up, because I think it's funny.

Number 1

This mf is nurgle and slaanesh teaming up, because why else would you want a virus to do unspeakable things to you because it's attractive? I mean, if somehow a keeper of secrets got corrupted by nurgle (if that was even possible) I feel like it would default to Thrax. Like how everything inevitably evolves into crabs, infected keepers of secrets inevitably turn into Thrax from Asmosis Jones. I don't make the rules.

I will have to draw Thrax as a keeper of secrets now, that will be on the long list of drawings I must unleash upon the world.

Number 2

Credits to @/CathChicken on Twitter for the original meme. There is a tumblr by the same name, but I am too sick to make sure they're the same person-

Period cramps are a team up between slaanesh and Khorne. Ovarian cysts, plus some symptoms that vary from person to person, are a suggestion from nurgle.

Excessive amounts of pain, horniness, and feeling lots of emotions at once? That's slaanesh's half.

Hormones, overstimulation, and the body literally ripping itself apart to tear out the insides of the womb and expell it? And that all makes you EXTREMELY quick to anger and/or easily annoyed? That's khorne, baby.

Shitting your life out, vomiting, feeling bloated, excessive sweating from the pain, plus a bunch of medical complications that make periods worse? Nurgle made some suggestions. That or was allowed in on the collab.

Number 3

Hear me out cakes are collabs between slaanesh and Tzeentch, and they both laugh whenever servants of the other two gods end up on there. (Btw, these are not all my hear me outs, they just wouldn't all fit-). Unconventional horniness and finding attraction to things that are not part of the norm feels very slaaneshi. Some of the hear me outs, and I mean the ones you REALLY need to sit down and listen to, definitely seem like pure madness, so Tzeentch was down.

Number 4

cognitohazards like you see in lots of analog horror are a surprising collab between Tzeentch and Nurgle. I mean, catching disease-like symptoms through seeing, hearing, or learning something forbidden? Nurgle and Tzeentch core.

Number 5

Mental disabilities are an undivided collab pitched by Tzeentch as part of a grand scheme. Why do I think this? Funny, and my own experiences with anxiety and cptsd, plus probably some undiagnosed autism, I feel like I would be very subseptable to chaos. Also funny reference to how mental disabilities were once chocked up to kids being changlings replaced by demons or fae, because... yes. (My headache is getting worse as of writing this-) I'd probably fall nurgle, with how I struggle to take care of myself at times.

Number 6

Fandom in general is undivided collaboration (and the forces of chaos also feel like they would be in Fandoms to me. Because that's funny to me. Imagine Ao3 for chaos daemons, writing about mortals or smth. Or daemons writing about themselves to gas up their own shit-)

Nurgle is the reason why there are stereotypes about con goers not having hygeine

Khorne plays apart in shipping wars, drama, and cancel culture

Tzeentch is why there are so many wacky theories (and is probably why matpat went insane)

And slaanesh is behind all fanart. The cute, the depraved, the horny, everything.

Number 7

No picture for this one, but i said it in the past. Nurgle and Khorne teamed up for hemorrhoids

Number 8

This is less of a collab and more slaanesh taking notes from the "older(?)" Gods. The wide, wide spectrum of kinks (shaming none) from diaper kinks, to hypnosis, goro, to pretty much anything, it was slaanesh looking at the other chaos gods going "Hey, what if it was horny?" Then stealing some gimmicks.

Thank you for coming to my Ted talk, I'm gonna go die bc of my sinuses-

[confusedmothboy]

A meat diet leaves your OC anemic? How does that work?

not exactly anemic in that hes not getting enough iron, but in the sense that hes getting basically no other nutrients (none of them are) which can also cause anemia. "what about akilah's farms?" he got banned from communal dinnertime because he cant be in the same place as shauna for extended periods of time, his dinners are smaller or simpler for the ease of being able to eat them back at his hut. he doesnt feel the need to forage for himself cause he doesnt really know why he feels so awful all the time, assumes its a wilderness virus or something 😭

also honestly it was the first word i thought of lol but my main point was that this guy is malnourished and feeling it

[docnomore]

Pretty sure it’s COVID. So let’s talk science, history, statistics, politics and facts. It’s got me a little rattled. I’ve had COVID at least once before. I slept 48 hours, dealt with flavorless food for a week and it was gone. The incubation period was a little over a week. This time, I presumably got it from Mrs. Doc who came down with it first. Within 12 hours both I and our youngest got it. We may all have been exposed at the same time, given her weakened immune state. Hard to say. But 12 hours is lightning fast. I then gave it to an employee. I try to never breathe on people, as I have a thing about being breathed upon. Still, standing shoulder to shoulder with him, within 48 hours he got it.

Viral infections have no cure. No vaccine. A vaccine is made up of dead, crushed cell parts of the bacterium, injected into the host (you and me), it allows the bodies soldiers a snapshot of what to look for so when it sees it or any mart of it, it can isolate and destroy it. mRNA doesn’t do that at all. It modifies YOUR genetic markers, changing you, hopefully to be resistant to the virus. That in my not so expert opinion is a wildly dangerous theory that should NEVER have been tested on the population.

So, 12-48 hours incubation. Where else have we seen this? 1918 with the Spanish Flu. That too was a Corona/SARS virus. It was a naturally occurring hybrid of swine and avian flu. The incubation period was an estimated 12 hours. Diagnosed, the patient was dead within 12 hours. It attacked the young, vibrant and healthy. Starting with cold like symptoms, observers witnessed a plaque build up of White Blood Cells presenting as mucous on the back of the throat that quickly spread to the bronchioles rendering them worthless. The patients would turn a deep purple to black color and then, just prior to death, all of that mucous/WBC plaque would simply vanish. They literally suffocated. In 1918, the average daily death toll in Philadelphia was 426. That’s per day. Let that sink in.

From 1918-1926 the newly established Department of Public Health, along with the US Army and the insurance company Mutual of New York conducted a study. What they found was the wearing of (cloth) surgical masks did nothing to slow or abate the spread. Also, the imposition of quarantine was a death sentence for those not infected, living in the same residence.

The US government has had in its labs since 1967, COVID-19. It was by direction of Dr. Fauci, approved by President Obama that the bio weapons lab at Ft. Detrick be shut down and those agents/experiments be outsourced to among other places, Wuhan, China. That is China, a communist country/enemy of the US.

Dr. Fauci and Dr. Collins funded the Gain of Function research of COVID-19. There are two very similar definitions for the term Gain of Function. The civilian definition is that it is the ability to understand what makes a given virus/bacterium tick so that we can then either kill it or render it ineffective. Sounds good. The military definition is the same but the goal is to enhance its virulence all the while we can control/target it to a given enemy. Think mustard gas and gas masks in WW I.

Now, think back to 2020 when this thing sprang out of nowhere. No one stopped to ask how Dr. Fauci knew immediately what it was. Nor did anyone bother to question his constant reversals on whether or not wearing a mask was necessary. He just knew because he is smarter than the rest of us. At least, that is what we were told.

Immediately, the US Army deployed a Surgical Field Hospital to NYC. Dozens of refrigerator semi trailers were brought in as holding containers or the onslaught of dead that they were sure were coming. A month went by and due to great expense, having seen only 100 patients, none of who had COVID-19, the Army packed it in and went home. The CDC brought in Dr. Birx who changed the way we count Cause of Death. People who objected quit and were immediately silenced. No longer interested exclusively in COVID-19 as the Primary COD, we now actually paid hospital groups to test the dead for COVID-19. Literally, you could die in a horrific car crash, and post mortem be tested for, pop positive and then have that secondary, tertiary or ancillary finding become the Primary COD. Philadelphia 1918, 426 per day. Philadelphia 2020, you weed through and filter out the extraneous bull shit diagnoses and what you end up with is a probable 23 per month. A monumental intentional inflation of numbers. Now pay attention because here where federal law and policy matter.

In 2012 President Obama signed into law the new Smith-Mundt Modernization Act. That allows the government to pay “news” sources - like ABC, CBS, NBC, CNN, MSNBC, etc., to report propaganda pieces that can be patent lies. Now think fear mongering, suspension of inalienable rights, and the liberty to exercise those rights.

Federal law requires that there be no other known cure available, in a time of “national emergency” to suspend and waive requisite testing of new drugs or vaccines. There were again doctors: immunologists, who spoke out against mRNA and pointed to other drugs that could prove effective. Just like those at the CDC who opposed Dr. Birx, these experts were shut down, silenced and in several cases imprisoned.

Sound like “conspiracy theory”? Think twice. Look up nuclear testing on US military from 1946-1962. Having signed a record of non disclosure many went to their graves carrying that secret. That non disclosure was finally lifted in 1996. MK Ultra, The Tuskegee Experiments, etc.. Would the Democrats diabolically unleash this upon the world to rid themselves of Trump? Both Charles Schwab and Bill Gates insist this is exactly what happened - and they are both in favor of it. I’m not saying the Democrats did this, I’m only looking at history, their party history. Figure the odds. And so many want to turn healthcare over to these monsters?

[imjustabeanie]

Hacked Account Warning

I'm in Asia Server by the way

There are pictures for proof

You don't need to have your login infos shared for you to get hacked. 

There are some hackers that attack your email, and when they can't they attack your pc itself.

The destroyed weapons:

It was during my exam period that I was hacked. I just logged in to do dailies before going back to studying when I noticed my arle was doing WAY less damage. I checked her weapon and lo and behold it wasn't there. Destroyed. I checked alhaitham and his weapon was destroyed too. Same with Amos bow and a lyney bow. I didn't understand what was happening and contacted mihoyo. Someone logged into my account at 4 am, destroyed weapons and 2 artifacts, renamed wandered something racist and left. I was pissed and was talking back and forth with the mihoyo support as no device besides had logged in and I didn't give the infos to someone else. So how come the hacker got in without me receiving a confirmation email? Well I got my answer a day later when microsoft finally sent me an email informing me of a suspicious logging.

The logins...:

That's when I discovered how bad it was. For over a month, someone was trying to log into my window session and I wasn't informed by Microsoft! They used a VPN as it came from China, Russia, America and Brazil. They succeeded in the Brazil vpn. I changed all my info and did the necessary steps. I found many virus on the pc despite not downloading shady things and even a fake anti virus that I don't remember installing (SAntivirus) and it was VERY annoying to Uninstall. Thankfully I found videos to do it.

 I scanned the pc using the Microsoft anti virus and found 4 virus, 2 of high danger. I did a deep clean by the way and it lasted over 6h. Even when I Uninstalled them they came back so I installed Malwarebytes who found 34 virus....the fake anti-virus was found with it by the way. After I destroyed them all I didn't have any attempt besides one which I didn't have the time to take it up to cyber criminality. 

The Viruses:

So to any pc player, please be very careful and get a good anti virus. Scan your pc often as unfortunately there are very ill intentioned people around. The hacker didn't touch my hsr account, just my genshin where I spent a lot of time on it.

The alhaitham weapon was very sentimental as it was my first and I explored all sumeru desert to get it. I had lost both the 50/50 on it. Same for arle weapon, I lost the two 50/50 to lyney bow to get it. I was devastated because I'm ar 60 with no exploration left. Even the teapot is all done. For the wanderer name...all you have to know is they changed it to something racist towards black people and I had to fight with hoyo for them to realize and send me a name paper to change it.

ADVICE FOR PLAYERS: 

-Scan your devices often

-Get a good anti virus

-Download from trusted sources, I know we all get the apk and the such but there are websites you can't trust!

-If you can, log out before shutting down your device

-Check your connection history of Microsoft. They don't warn you until it's too late.

[anocana]

books i read 2024. idk if this is a complete list but it's the memorable ones. not in any particular order

Samuel Delany — Trouble on Triton (1976)

in the running for my favorite Delany and certainly his best conventional SFF I've read. this was apparently his response to the Dispossessed and it's got its parallels — planets encrusted with the histories and hierarchies of long centuries contrasted with utopic(?) projects on moons, and protagonists not entirely at home in either place — but the details are in many ways inverted. lots of genuinely funny jokes: my favorite is the one about the Thomists. second best is that it would be a grand sweeping tragedy of flawed attempts at utopia and political maneuverings across the solar system, except the protagonist is a self-absorbed asshole who doesn't give a shit. Delany's got a real talent for social and psychological realism, and in particular for displaying the neuroses and unpleasantnesses we wish we didn't recognize in ourselves.

Samuel Delany — Nevèrÿon series (1979-1985)

this is actually a whole series of fantasy stories ranging from short to novel-length, three volumes of which I read last year (I still haven't finished the ones collected as Return to Nevèrÿon (1987)). it's basically an exploration of semiotics and power and myth through a world that's just invented writing and is in the process of inventing a lot of other things. most of the stories were good but not as good as Triton or Dhalgren; the fantasy setting serves as a way to explore oversimplified and archetypal versions of things, which I'm not always on board with artistically or philosophically. but I did enjoy how characters would cross paths and reappear in each other's stories, and some of the stories were among his best. even the ones that felt too much like authorial rants had great moments. v fun frame narrative also.

the clear standout is The Tale of Plagues and Carnivals, the other competitor for my favorite Delany. it was written during the early days of the AIDS crisis before the cause of AIDS was known (the virus now known as HIV had been identified but not confirmed responsible). the tale goes back and forth between a story of a plague in Nevèrÿon and realistic accounts of New York gay life across classes at the time, eventually blurring the lines and calling into question its own realism. it's stylistically striking, captures well the atmosphere of a terrifying period, and (I think) wouldn't hit nearly as hard if you skip the prior Nevèrÿon stories which give the context of the fantasy segments.

James Grehan — Twilight of the Saints: Everyday Religion in Ottoman Syria and Palestine (2016)

this one's a very dense academic book. the accounts of the complete lack of centralized religious authority, and the common features of everyday religion regardless of nominal faith or sect, were very interesting (Christians praying at shrines to the Companions, etc). I didn't take much away from the many tables of data like precise numbers of mosques and churches in and around each notable town of the 19th century Ottoman Levant, though I did have a fun time looking through them.

Iannis Xenakis — Formalized Music: Thought and Mathematics in Composition (1971)

genuinely fascinating book. Xenakis details various mathematical approaches to composition: several variants on stochastics, game theory, set theory, some others — none of them are specifically relevant to my current practice but it was illuminating to see how he thinks about them. it was written as essays from 1955 to 1971 and has 8 pages of FORTRAN code to produce stochastic music including a whole data segment of seemingly random numbers. his predictions on the future of electronic music have not all been borne out, but he identifies some of the exact same tendencies you can see in discussions of computer-generated art today.

Xenakis additionally discusses philosophy of music; he's very concerned with what he calls "outside-time structure" and sees a total poverty of it in modern Western music, compared to the complex harmonic systems of many other traditions including Byzantine music. he attributes this to the "blindness" caused by polyphony. he's got very strong opinions and doesn't sugarcoat them: serial music's "ignorant dogmatism" is a complete doubling-down on Western music's "blindness" which results in "auditory and ideological nonsense", he has some choice words for aleatoric composers ("logical infirmities", "the problem of choice is betrayed"), and polyphony itself is "a highly original invention of the barbarous and uncultivated Occident following the schism of the churches".

Imre Lakatos — Proofs and Refutations (1976)

one of the best works of phil of math i've read. much needed counter to the dominant (in math education and popular perception if not serious phil of math) deductive perspective of reasoning from True axioms to Certain proofs. it's about 130 pages of very readable prose dialogue, not overly dense or formal, between "students" representing different perspectives on mathematical practice; the book eventually endorses "the method of proofs and refutations" in which definitions and proofs are generated by different ends of the same process, hypotheses and arguments revised as they run into counterexamples and failures. dialectically, one might say.

Paul Feyerabend — Against Method (1975)

Feyerabend has a compelling case that standard philosophies of science are incorrect because scientists don't follow philosophically approved approaches, a plausible assertion that there aren't enough similarities between scientific discipline to even support a unified philosophy of science, and a rather odd philosophy of society that I could inaccurately call "liberal left-Leninism". I'm sympathetic to the argument that science's institutional authority has done lots of fucked up shit, but if you're trying to argue that we need a diversity of traditions, maybe don't argue that "independently of participation in a tradition, there is not much to choose between humanitarianism and anti-Semitism". one suspects he was trying to absolve himself for his participation in the Wehrmacht.

Penelope Maddy — Realism in Mathematics (1990)

I tore through this one over the past couple days, so it's not technically 2024, but it's still early January so whatever. I enjoyed it, but I was hoping for modern arguments in favor of mathematical platonism. while Maddy was a realist at this point, she was more physicalist than platonist, and mainly concerned with the reality of sets — she's perfectly happy to dismiss the reality of numbers-as-objects. personally insofar as I accept the existence of composite objects I think sets are mostly fine to accept as real and physical (except for concerns around time-dependence and identity re: extensionality), but I don't think composites do anything ontologically that the arrangement and relationships of their parts can't. since 1990 apparently she's rejected any substantial realism, so I need to read her more recent works which sound like they share many of my intuitions. but I'm still in the market for a good modern platonist.

W. E. B. Du Bois — Black Reconstruction (1935)

my book club read most of this in 2023 but we finished it in February so I'm counting it. really incredible book, it's hard to overstate its influence. Du Bois's account of emancipation and Reconstruction as a revolutionary moment betrayed (paralleling somewhat the moments of 1848 in Europe) is deeply compelling, if perhaps overly rosy about the American project. he was barred access to most Southern archives so it's extraordinary how much historical detail he was able to put together from what seemed like mostly newspaper articles. the chapters that focused on regional detail got somewhat bogged down as far as we were concerned but presumably are relevant to more academic historians; the chapters that take a broader view are very clear and incisive, laying out the material and psychological stakes for the various factions and their shifting alignments (culminating in the unified white counterrevolution that eventually crushed Reconstruction). he's really good at moving between academic and poetic modes as appropriate.

in progress (alone or collectively), so i'm not gonna comment yet:

Samuel Delany — Return to Nevèrÿon

Alain Badiou — Being and Event

CLR James — Black Jacobins

idk who all — Homotopy Type Theory (I'm not far in).

some textbook on categorical logic of which I got through a couple chapters. I would like to go back but am not convinced I will. at least I did do the exercises for those chapters; I need to get better at doing that w math books.

[jtwritesstuff]

Race to the Finish - Chapter 1

I feel awareness coming in first, that feeling of waking after a long nap, and the tiredness that comes with that feeling. I gently lift myself up and let a soft groan out as I look around. The room hadn’t changed much since my last lucid period, maybe a few new toys here and there, and that loop-de-loop hot wheels track was definitely new. The room was mostly the same, the same race car bed my other side had picked out, same wild, unkempt toys scattered here and there, again thanks to my other side. 

As I sit I feel the telltale squish of my pull up under my bottom and wince, the night accidents had started soon after catching the virus, even when I was an adult, and I’d still not gotten used to them after…well I didn’t know how many months it’d been at this point. The periods of my other side taking over were there, but kids couldn’t tell time, dates, much of anything, and some things like waiting for mommy- Khris… to get out of a conversation felt like an eternity to a four year old, yet things like daycare seemed to pass in a snap. I slowly pulled myself out of bed, cringing at the feeling between my legs as it squished, and upon looking down cringed again, seeing the childish Paw Patrol PJs I was in. I got up and went to my dresser, one now much bigger than me, though I knew where all the clothes were, starting with underwear I opened the lowest drawer and sighed, digging through, looking for anything without cartoons or cutesy animals, picking a pair that just had Pikachu on them. I had pulled my pants down when I’d heard the sound of the door opening and a blush fell across my face as Khris, my mommy and previous girlfriend walked in, smiling softly. 

“And what are we doing mister?” I let out a sigh as I looked down “Khris… it’s me… I’m just trying to get out of..this” I said, motioning to my well used pull up. Khris seemed a little shocked but kept the smile up “Well, welcome back Stephen, heard ya through the baby monitor and assumed little Stevie was trying to change himself, normally doesn’t end up well as he can have trouble with pants.” She chuckled as I blushed more, my face feeling like it might catch fire at any moment. “W-Well…I’m not him so..c-can you please leave, also where are the wipes?” Khris chuckled again and just walked over, taking them off the top of my dresser and handing them to me before going to walk out. 

“Call me if you need help, I’m just in the living room.” I just blushed more as the door shut, how could she think I need help, it’s just pants and underwear, maybe a shirt if I’m lucky and any of them are less childish. I make quick work of ripping the sides of my pull up and letting it fall to the floor before cleaning myself, something I’d gotten used to before the periods of mental regression had started happening. I slide on the underwear and find a somewhat mature looking pair of shorts before throwing the pull up into the diaper pail near my dresser, though I didn’t need diapers, it kept my room from smelling like stale pee. I walked out and sighed as everything seemed so…big now, everything from a four year olds perspective seemed like it was made for giants. I made my way to the living room where Khris gave me a warm, motherly smile “Good job sweetie! Glad you could get yourself changed after your little nap.” I blushed again “Of course I can, just because…Stevie can’t, doesn’t mean I can’t…” Khris nodded as she looked at me a bit seriously. “Well..this was a longer period under, honestly sweetie, we thought you were permanent this time.” 

I looked annoyed now, probably ‘we’ as in her and her new boyfriend I’d found out about after my last time under. His name was Ty and he honestly wasn’t a bad guy, when I was in my older mindset we could talk about our passion, which was cars. Though we’d gone two very different places with our passion as I’d been a professional stunt and race driver before the virus hit, while Ty was just a mechanic. “Well, I’m back so…of course I can dress myself” I said with a huff 

“Where’s Ty?” I asked, wanting a way to maybe get into a more…adult conversation. Khris sighed a bit, my want to cut the conversation not lost on her “In the garage, the car needed an oil change and he’s getting it done” I nodded and started to head that way, not wanting to lose a second where I could be having a much more…mature conversation than the triumph of being able to put my feet in the right holes without getting lost. I pulled the toddler proof door open, it having one of those over the handle covers to make it near impossible for an actual four year old to open, and made my way into the garage. Ty pulled himself out  from under the car and looked at me “What are you doing out here lil guy?” “I…wanted to see if you needed any help.” Ty looked a bit surprised but then smiled and nodded “Of course I could Stephen, good to see ya back bud, been a minute.” He sat up slowly, having not changed a ton in the time  I’d been under, same long hair tied into a bun, somewhat scruffy but short beard, looked like he’d just gotten out of work as he was still dirty and had the overshirt with his name on it on. 

“So…what do you need me to do?” I asked, unsure how far along the process was “Well, right now could you hand me the wrench on my stool? Getting the oil filter off now.” I smiled and nodded, knowing I’d come in just in time for the start. I grabbed the wrench and quickly handed it to him and he went to slide under as I asked “Do…you need me to help under there?” He stopped and poked back out, a bit of a worried look on his face “Why don’t you stay out here bud, I don’t think you’d be able to get this off being how small you are, and you know how mommy feels about you getting all dirty, especially with oil? She’d have my head and you’d probably have a new daddy” he chuckled as he rolled under and I frowned.

I found myself actually pouting for a second and feeling the urge to stomp my foot, but just barely stopping myself as I said “I can help Ty, I’m not just gonna be a…tool boy. I know cars probably better than you!” I huffed as he sighed from under the car “It’s not about knowledge lil dude, it’s about the fact you’re four now, even if you’re mentally bigger.” I huffed again as I looked around, seeing the new oil sitting near the oil pan and grabbing it “W…Well I wanna put the oil in!” I said, not realizing how childish it sounded at the time as Ty chuckled “Sure bud, you can put the oil in, and in fact, I almost got this off, slide me the oil pan.” I walked over and pushed it towards him with my foot as I held the new oil like it was life or death. 

I heard the telltale thunk as the oil filter fell into the pan and the oil started to pour out with it and Ty slid out, grabbing the new filter and chuckling upon seeing me before sliding back under and waiting. During that waiting period I cooled down a bit, sighing as I realized I’d let my more…childish emotions take over in the moment. Something that wasn’t uncommon when I was aware, though I’d never felt that..close to a tantrum before…it was odd, concerning to say the least. Before long I heard the clicking of the ratchet as he tightened the new filter in place and slid back out, smiling at me as he stood, now towering over me. 

“Lemme grab the stool for ya bud, and the funnel, and then the oil is all yours.” He said, sliding the stool over and helping me onto it before putting the funnel in place and making sure it was secure as I struggled to get the cap off the fresh oil. Ty helped me a bit just to get it started but then let me do it the rest of the way, standing right behind me as I lifted up the fairly large bottle and started to pour it in. I smiled as I felt a form of accomplishment as I watched it go down the funnel, knowing I was doing way more than just handing him tools. 

I helped with the first bottle and then the second and smiled as he put the engine cap on and went to go check how it ran, turning the car on. Though in my excitement of helping I went to hop of the stool, misjudging just how high up it was to my little body, I hopped down and yelped as I landed but quickly tumbled forward and whined as I caught myself on my hands and knees, wincing as I felt the sharp pain I hadn’t felt since childhood of my hands and knees getting skinned, whimpering as I stood back up, feeling my lip trembling and the childish emotions welling up, though I did my best to keep them down as Ty turned off the car and stepped out.

“Good job bud, seems to be running…you okay lil guy?” I just nodded, but my face obviously showed otherwise as he kneeled down and started to check me over “Ooo…looks like you got scraped up pretty good, this is why I told you to wait for me bud, come on, lets get mommy to get you a bandaid.” He went to stand as I looked at him, my already heightened emotions flaring up at being talked down to so easily by the man who took my girlfriend. “I can get my own damn bandaid and I don’t even need em! It was a little fall!” 

Ty seemed taken aback by my sudden outburst and just looked at me “Buddy..it’s okay to-” I cut him off “And stop calling me “Buddy”! I’m not a little kid right now! You don’t need to look down on me like one!” I went to stomp into the house, flinging open the door and stomping towards my room as I saw Khris getting up from the couch. I heard Khris ask “What’s going on” and Ty said something back, I’m sure they were talking about me. I was just too upset to even care as I slammed my bedroom door shut and sat down against it, trying to hold myself together…big kids didn’t cry, adults didn’t cry, and I wouldn’t cry.

I sat there for a while, and after a bit I felt and heard a knock at the door behind me to which I responded with a moody “What” Khris responded “Sweetie…can I come in? I wanna make sure you’re okay…Ty told me you took a pretty good tumble.” I felt the red hot rage boiling back up but scooched away from my door and just muttered a soft “Fine….” Khris slowly walked in and looked at me before kneeling down and frowning “Is everything alright hun? This isn’t like you, even big you….” She sounded worried but I just pulled away “I’m perfectly fine…thanks.”

 She sighed and sat down now, probably knowing she was in for the long haul as she gently took my hand “Honey, I know this is all a lot, and while we’ve had time to adjust, I know you haven’t. If you need to talk to us, you can hun, this has to be a lot, and especially being that we don’t know what’s going on in that little head of yours, we can only help you as much as you let us….” I pulled my hand away and curled up again “I don’t need help, I’ll be fine…” Khris frowned “Sweetie, we both know that’s not true.” I shrugged as I just sat there “My issue, not yours…I’m gonna go shower…get this dirt off me” I said, looking for any escape from her ‘mommy of the year’ act, though as I stood, I noticed something off, specifically around my crotch. I frowned as it felt…cold..clammy, though my shorts looked fine. 

Khris seemed to notice my sudden stop too. “Everything okay sweetie?” She started to even make a move to check me probably as I pulled away and just muttered “I’m fine.” I walked out of the room and towards the bathroom, hearing Khris walking out behind me, but stopping in the hall. I made my way into the bathroom, quickly shutting and locking the door behind me before yanking my shorts down and feeling my undies, feeling the telltale squish of the padded undies, wincing I realized…not only was little me not potty trained yet…seems like that little bout made me have a bit of an accident, and not one that will go unnoticed, as I can’t throw these out like a pull up. 

I sigh and slip my now soggy undies down, that being a problem for post shower Stephen as I pulled off my shirt and going to turn the water on, though struggling heavily to do so from outside the tub, just barely being able to turn the knob to the hot area. I got into the shower after it'd warmed up enough, grimacing at the tub toys hanging from mesh bags on the wall, knowing any other night I’d probably be ecstatic to play with those right now. I turned away from em and started to let the warm water run over me, sighing as I felt the stress seemingly start to melt away already, the dirt washing off my body. Some being from the garage, but most I suspect to be from daycare that day, we’d had an outing to the woods behind the school and I’d been getting into everything.

 I washed my body with a soap bar I could only guess to be Ty’s, not that I really cared, though as it came to my hair I looked around for any shampoo, only finding the kids shampoo left low, making it easier to get me washed during my baths.  I groaned, I was not using THAT, I already probably smell like a kid constantly, I wasn’t going to add onto it. I began to look around for some more mature shampoo, noticing it on a higher shelf and well out of my reach, but easy for any adult to get to and use. 

I huffed a bit, crossing my arms before looking for a way to get it, realizing my only way would be to climb, though I knew it was probably not the best idea, it was better than using that childish smelling gunk. I began by stepping onto the edge of the tub, it wasn’t too slippery so it was easy to make my way around to the shelves, and start to pull myself up. This though, was my worst decision of the night, as when I tried to step up onto the lowest shelf, grabbing a higher one. I didn’t realize just how slippery they’d gotten from the steam and water falling on them. 

It was over before it’d even started as I felt my hand slip first before my foot slipped off the lower shelf, sending my tumbling back towards the tub with a loud thud and a yelp. I winced, not hurt, least not badly, and I’d not hit my head on anything, though I’d fallen on my bottom fairly hard, I was surprised though when I heard the knob to the bathroom rattle, and then the door swung open, I thought I’d locked it….

I looked up as the shower curtain was pulled open and Khris was almost immediately at my side, not worried about the water as she immediately went to check me over. “Stevie, sweetie, are you okay? Are you hurt? What happened?” She seemed panicked as she looked me over, but I was mortified. Being completely nude in front of not just her, but I could see Ty behind her, holding a screwdriver and looking concerned. I pushed her hands away from me, blushing as I scrambled back up to my feet. “I’m fine, just…tried to get shampoo and fell.” 

Khris frowned as she heard that “Sweetie, your shampoo is down here, you shouldn’t have to climb for it, you know how dangerous that is.” She said, scolding me like you would a small child which only made my embarrassment rise as I looked at her “I’m not gonna use stuff that’s gonna make me smell more like a toddler!” She looked surprised at me for raising my voice and frowned. “Well it’s what we normally use for you,it’s just oranges, nothing kiddie Stephen, you need to understand you can’t do everything like you used to…” 

She stood and sighed, seeming satisfied with me not being hurt and…maybe even a bit hurt herself? I just went to pull the curtain closed as she seemed to linger for a few more seconds before walking out, shutting the door behind her and I could hear some talking behind the door. I sighed and gave a death glare to the bottle of shampoo with a smiling octopus on it before grabbing it and making quick work of washing my hair, huffing as I washed with the shampoo. It didn’t smell bad at all, though I don’t think I could ever admit that to Khris or Ty at this point. 

I stood for a bit longer after washing and just let the water run over me before turning it off and stepping out, grabbing a towel and drying myself off, if there was one good thing about being this small, it’s that it was much easier to dry myself with just one towel. After drying I went to grab my clothes and noticed something that caused my blush to come right back…there was a fresh pull up sitting on my clothes, the sodden undies nowhere to be found. 

I froze as I stared at it and didn’t know what to do. After a few seconds of hoping this was all a childish hallucination I slowly leaned down and picked up the crinkly garment, blushing as I sighed and slowly opened it up, stepping in and pulling it up, wincing a bit as I felt the plush interior of it hugging my crotch and bottom, before putting my shirt and shorts back on and going to walk out, probably with a bit more of a gate, though I was hoping it wasn’t too noticeable.

Upon walking out I heard the TV on, the local weather being read off as I smelled something being cooked, it smelled like something with tomatoes. I made my way into the living room, finding Ty on the couch who gave me a small nod as I just looked away before making my way to the kitchen, looking up at Khris who was currently over a steaming pot, stirring. 

“Khris..?” I asked quietly “Yes Stephen?” “Where did those undies go..?” She gave me a small, almost annoyed look “Well, normally when Stevie wears those undies and goes in them, he tells me and we get him in a pull up for the rest of the day. I see that part doesn’t transfer over as much as the emotional outbursts do.” I blushed deep red as I looked at her “I…I didn’t mean to, I was gonna tell you but I didn’t even realize it happened, I think it happened when I fell off the stool…” I looked down, feeling like a child who’d just done something very bad. 

Khris sighed a bit and looked down at me “Stephen, believe it or not, you’re not an adult anymore, and you need to accept we’re your legal guardians now. We know how to care for you, and we aren’t gonna make fun of you for anything you’d do normally, Stevie hasn’t mastered the potty yet and I know for a fact that means you haven’t either. You know that as well as I do, so you should’ve told me or let me check when you noticed it in your room” I just stared at her, she’d known the entire time, maybe it was my face, or my reaction? 

I must’ve given the same tell as Stevie… I just stood there as she went back to stirring “Dinner will be done in about ten minutes, why don’t you go watch TV for a bit while I work on it?” I could tell by her tone she was upset, so I just nodded and shuffled my way out and to the couch as Ty looked at me and gave a small chuckle. Though it wasn’t one of laughing at me, more of understanding “Guessing her angry voice isn’t any different from when you were big huh?” I just shook my head quietly as he gently rubbed my back “Look bud, she’s just worried. I know you didn’t mean to blow up on me or her, but you gotta understand, we just want what’s best for you, and if you need help or for us to do something, you need to tell us” 

I nodded slowly but scooched away from the back rubs, sitting back and watching the news, something about a local school doing a fundraiser for something. Though my thoughts weren’t focused on that, they were focused on my outburst from earlier, how childish it was, how close I was to a tantrum. It was odd, almost like I was slipping back into the Stevie mindset for a second there and for some reason it reminded me of a story I’d read early on into the virus’ outbreak. 

It’d been about someone who, like me, was swapping between his adult and child mindset, though he was worse, swapping almost weekly, though that wasn’t the only odd thing about him. After around 3 months of this he suddenly just…stopped swapping, and seemed to level out. He knew all about his life as a chef and having a fair amount of his adult thoughts, though he seemed to also have more childish impulses and seemed like any other three year old. Unless you talked to him about food, then it was closer to a hyperactive toddler. 

I began to wonder if this was what he went through, if he had started off by just having small tantrums here and there, maybe an outburst, then he just…slid down until he leveled out as a toddler. I probably looked lost in thought before I was pulled back out by Khris calling out “Dinner’s ready boys.” Ty stood up and smiled at me as I slowly got up, pushing my worries to the back of my mind for now as I walked into the kitchen, seeing Khris setting my spot. 

 I knew it was mine because of the booster seat covered in stickers that was sitting in the chair in front of the spot that Khris was setting, I shuffled slowly over and mumbled “Can’t I have a normal seat…?” Khris gave me another disapproving mom look, one I didn’t even need the rest of the answer for as I pulled myself up and sat in my booster, looking at the plate in front of me. Spaghetti with cheesy garlic bread, on a…what I believe to be a Bluey plate. 

I slowly grabbed my fork and started to eat as Khris and Ty sat with their own plates and started to eat. Ty seemingly trying to break the tension with a “So…least tomorrow’s Friday right?” Khris gave him a bit of a look as she sighed “Yeah…speaking of, that means you do have to go to daycare tomorrow, okay Stephen?” I looked and frowned “But…I’m in my big mindset…do I really have to” Khris nodded at that “Yes, you do, especially after that fall tonight, I’m not trusting you to be home alone all day, let alone cook your own food” 

I looked, trying to think of an argument…though she had me dead to rights with that, so I looked for another way “Can…Can I atleast be in a bigger kids room?” Khris shook her head “You’re in the oldest room you can be in at this daycare sweetie, and you know it’s not realistic to swap daycares when we don’t know when you might just swap back to Stevie.” I nodded again and looked down at my spaghetti, slowly eating it as I mumble softly “Sorry…I just…don’t want you guys to think I’m still some…needy kid.” Ty looked at me this time “Bud, we know you’re not, but we also recognize you still have physical limitations, you’re not very big, even for a four year old. The doctor was worried you were younger than we’d thought given we couldn’t get ahold of your family, but everything else developmentally pointed to a four year old. We just need you to trust us and let us help you, even if you’re an ‘adult’.” 

I nodded slowly at that and just slowly ate, trying my best to keep myself clean as the two actual adults at the table moved the conversation into talks of weekend plans. After a bit of chatter about something to do with going to the local mall for some new clothes for me, Khris turned to me, seeming in a better mood as she smiled “Hey…why don’t we watch a movie tonight. We’ll even let ya stay up a bit late, as long as you promise you’ll wake up good for us, you can pick the movie too, okay sweetie?” 

I looked up and perked up a bit hearing I got to pick it, there was so many movies that came out while I was little that I’ve not gotten to see yet. It would be hard to pick just one to watch, but I nodded quickly. “Yeah!” I finished up eating and quickly went to climb out of my chair, rushing to the living room as the other two chuckled at my sudden reversion to a childish excitement over a movie. Though I was already flipping through the movies, coming to the horror section with a smile.

I selected a newer movie, Scream 6, it having come out during my last bout of being little. I’d been told no to watching it on more than one occasion, but now I’d surely have free reign of being able to watch it. Khris and Ty finished up their dinners and Khris walked out, looking at me with a soft smile before looking at the TV and giving a bit of a worried grimace. Looking back at me she asked “You wanna watch that tonight?” I nodded quickly and smiled as she gave a small sigh. 

She wasn’t big on horror movies, but often did it for me, and tonight she knew she’d given me the choice, and there was no way to talk me out of it. She nodded as I heard Ty already getting the popcorn out and putting it in the microwave, I decided to try my luck at something else “Can…I have a pop too? I haven’t had one in a while.” Khris looked at me and looked unsure “Sweetie…your little body can’t handle that much sugar, nor the caffeine…but…I’ll think about giving you some. I don’t need you getting a sugar rush before bed.” 

I smirked, it was a small victory, but a victory nonetheless. She stepped back into the kitchen as I got the movie ready. I could feel the excitement welling up in my body, and I even let a small giggle out, but quickly quelled it, knowing it was the childish emotions pushing their way to the surface again. Ty brought out a big bowl of popcorn and set it on the coffee table in front of the couch as Khris brought out drinks, two obviously alcoholic drinks for them, and something in a sippy cup for me. My excitement died down almost immediately upon seeing the childish cup, decorated in Bluey designs, probably came in a set with the plate. 

“Khris…I don’t need a sippy cup, I’m grown right now” She gave me a stern look this time “And I just cleaned the floors yesterday, last thing they need is orange pop staining them” she said as she set the cup in front of me,I couldn’t exactly argue with that, she’d given me the pop I’d wanted, but on her terms so…I guess small victories again? I took the sippy and drank from it, feeling the carbonation sizzling into my mouth and down my throat mixed with the immense sweetness from the pop, something my little body wasn’t used to…but something my little body absolutely loved at the same time, it was like stimulation in a cup.

We started the movie soon after and I watched, entranced as it started with a fake out opening, sipping my pop and eating popcorn by the not so big handful. Khris sat on her phone, not enjoying these movies in the slightest, but Ty seemed just as invested as me, or atleast acting like he was. This continued for roughly an hour, my sippy nearly empty of the sweet soda I’d been given and the popcorn running low already as I began to feel the consequences of my actions. I started feeling that familiar twinge in my bladder, letting me know it was time to go, but being mid movie I didn’t wanna miss anything nor ask for a pause. So I sat and watched, thinking I could easily make it to the end of the movie. 

I started to squirm a bit and that wasn’t lost on my two caretakers as Ty looked over at me “Everything okay? Got ants in your pants?” I glanced back “I’m fine, just, nervous…yeah” I tried to calm my wiggles down though only a few more minutes had passed and that twinge had turned into an urge, causing me to cross my legs as Khris looked at me and in a very mom tone asked “Stephen…do you need to go potty?” I gave her a side eye as she looked at me and just muttered a soft “...No” She sighed a bit as she went to reach for the remote to pause it, just as a small jumpscare popped onto the screen. One of the first in the movie, causing her to let a yelp out and me to jump…though that momentary lapse in control led me to feeling the warmth spreading slowly across the front of my pull up, and my two carers hearing the unmistakable hiss of an accident in progress. I tensed as I realized fully what I was doing, the movie paused as Ty looked at me and let out a soft “Oh buddy…” I whimpered a bit, as Khris quickly got up “Stephen…why didn’t you say anything? We can pause the movie ya know.” I looked down as the hissing stopped and just sat in disbelief at what I’d just done, feeling the warmth sit around my waist “I..I thought I could hold it” 

Khris looked at me “And as I told you earlier, Stevie isn’t fully potty trained, and neither are you, it seems you even less so at this point because at least Stevie tells me when he needs to go.” I winced at the words being flung at me, looking down still as Khris in one swift motion scooped me up and carried me to my room, Ty looking embarrassed for me as I was carried by. I didn’t even fight it at this point, as I was in too much shock to know what to even say or do as Khris set me down and pulled my shorts down, before tearing the sides of my pull up and letting it fall to the floor. 

Grabbing a wipe and warming it with her hands as she looked at me “Stephen, I know you want to be a big boy, but you’re not, you’re four, and right now, you’re even acting like a four year old. You should’ve said something, we’re not gonna get mad or tease you for it, you’re still learning.” She started to clean me as my lip trembled a bit and all I could manage was a shaky “Sorry…” as I tried to fight back the tears welling up inside me. 

The shame of having an accident mixed with my childish emotions and the urge to prove I’m big was all getting to be too much and threatened to spill over, especially with Khris being so upset as she finished cleaning me. She grabbed a fresh pull up and held it open for me as I shakily stepped in, still barely holding it together as I let soft whimpers out. Khris looked up at me and gently pulled me into a hug “Sweetie…I’m not mad…I just wish you’d understand. You’re not that big Stephen the race car driver anymore, you’re Stephen the four year old, you’re learning still and just getting your fresh restart into the world, and you’re not nearly at the level you were.'' 

I looked at her as I felt the tears start to flow and I started to sniffle out “B…But I’ve…I’ve gotta be big, I’ve gotta show everyone I’m old enough s..still I…” I sniffled more as Khris just rubbed my back “Shhh…sweetie, being big isn’t doing everything alone…being big is knowing when you need to ask for help…and knowing when to let yourself take that help, like right now. I don’t see a big boy who can do everything like superman, I see my little boy, who’s had a rough night of trying to be a big boy and needs his mommy for a hug and a kiss” 

I listened to her as my tears grew to be too much as I let out a soft whimper before the water works truly started, starting to openly cry into her shoulder as I felt the tears rush down my cheeks. The loud cries barely muffled by Khris’ body as I heard something, probably Ty in the hall and felt Khris shake her head before I felt myself being lifted again. Letting my emotions flow as I was carried back to the living room, Khris sitting on the couch with me held in her lap, I didn’t care I was in just my pull up and shirt right now. I didn’t care how childish I looked crying into Khris, my emotions and body knew I needed to let this out, and at this point there was no stopping it as I just cried into her.

I don’t know how long it went on, but soon I felt myself calming down, whether it be due to the back rubs, the rocking or my tears finally running out, I wasn’t sure. I felt myself slowly coming back into focus, softly hiccuping and breathing as my powerful emotions subsided in favor of a post cry tiredness. Khris looked down at me in her lap and just gently kissed the top of my head and helped me calm down before softly asking “Do you want to finish your movie?” 

I nodded slowly as I laid on her and she smiled “Okay…we’ll finish it, if you need to potty, you let me know okay? And after it’s bed time.” I just nodded again as Ty started the movie back up, sitting close but not too much so as the movie continued, going on for roughly another hour or so, filled with a few scares and an end scene that filled me with nostalgia for the original movies. I remembered my first time watching the first movie with my brother after he snuck it in the house. How I was hooked from there, through the ‘bad’ and ‘good’ movies, and how for two halloweens I went as a ghostface because I was just that obsessed. I smiled a bit as it slowly came to an end, knowing I’d get a second chance with those memories.

 Though as it ended and the credits rolled, I could feel the tiredness taking over as I rubbed my eyes, it’d been a long day for sure, and the sudden crying hadn’t helped my case of needing to stay up. This didn’t slip past Khris either as I heard her lean whisper to Ty “I’m gonna put him to bed, you pick something” before she slowly lifted me up and carried me to my room once again. This time carrying me to my bed and laying me slowly down, smiling softly. “Alright, it’s time for you to get your rest, you’re already up well past your bedtime, and I’m hoping I don’t regret it tomorrow morning.” 

I just tiredly nodded as she gently tucked me in, smiling as she sat on the edge of my bed, gently combing through my hair with her fingers. “Thank you for being such a big boy tonight and letting that cry out, some ‘big boys’ still don’t know how to do that, like the big lunk on the couch out there.” I let a soft giggle out at that as she leaned down and kissed my forehead “Sleep well Stephen…I’ll wake you up in the morning, if you need anything, you know where our room is.” 

She slowly stood, smiling still as she turned on what looked to be a nightlight, projecting a starry sky onto my ceiling and playing soft, almost twinkling music, next to it she turned on what looked to be a baby monitor before flicking the lights off. “Sweet dreams” She said as she stepped out into the hall, shutting my door and leaving me with only the soft music and the stars gently spinning above my head. I didn’t get to watch them long though, as I felt my eyes start to flutter not even a minute after, the tiredness from the emotional night and the fact my body was used to a certain bedtime made it hard to keep myself awake. I felt myself slowly drifting off as I watched the big dipper silently glide over me, barely letting out a yawn as I felt the inky blackness of sleep take hold.

[ko-garashi]

What are your headcannons?? 👀

Well, here are my headcanons about William Birkin's post-mutation (if there was one, of course):

- Probably the first and most important thing is the lack of the ability to independently restrain the human species. Due to the fact that the G-virus is not stable in its mutation, William has to take injections to contain the virus. They don't cure it, they just make the virus more dormant.

- William has a constant headache and painkillers do little to help him. But he retains his mental abilities as before.

- Post-mutation William is more aggressive and hot-tempered. Although he tries to control himself in order to remain as cool-blooded as possible and not mutate from any little thing that pisses him off. And by the way, he copes with this successfully.

- By the way! He returns to his mutated form if he misses a dose of the drug, or if he feels severe stress (any strong negative emotion). As well as various more tangible injuries. No, of course, it’s unlikely that it will suddenly mutate from a cut on the arm, but if the wound is serious... (it’s important that it’s just a wound and not an amputation).

- In addition, William does not age much externally and internally, or rather, his process is too slow to seem obvious (again, this is not 100%, because the virus is in him, but at the same time it is partially blocked by the serum).

- And about regeneration! If he loses a limb, it will take him a long time, but the G-virus will restore everything back. (with a simple wound, the body will only generate cells at the site where these cells are lost. And if there is no limb, then it will take longer to expend strength and time. Therefore, it is easier for the body to mutate from a wound than from amputation... But does this apply to the head? I doubt it. And I don’t want to check what will happen if you separate the head. He’s not a designer, right?)

- And he also has a fairly accelerated metabolism due to the virus in him. That's why he's often hungry.

- William can turn back from mutation to the human form only in the G1 phase. The longer he remains in mutation and mutates, the more his consciousness will become confused and lost until it is completely erased. Therefore, he is afraid to use the mutation and does not do it often.

- He is basically afraid of his mutation, and not even because it is not stable, but because William is afraid that he will lose himself.

- William's right eye is damaged by mutations and he periodically has difficulty seeing with it in human form. (I still haven’t figured out how to justify this... It seems that not all of us would feel good if strange metamorphoses happened before our eyes)

- His mutation sites are covered with scars reminiscent of burn scars. At first he was very complex about it, but then he got used to it.

- His scars often itch. Like a swarm of little ants under the skin.

- Even in human form, William has sufficiently developed strength. Of course, he is not as fast as Wesker and in his human condition he will not be able to beat the crap out of someone (along with internal organs), but still.

- Each time during the process of mutation and return to human form, William experiences unbearable pain in his body. It's like you're being torn into so many pieces.

(if one day I have more headcanons, I will add to the list)

[fizzy-fuzz]

psssssst... Hey... YTR sneak peek... (not proofread)

(full work)

Log entry date: 3/7/2023

It's been a little over a month since 079 has been dropped off at my house, and things have been both okay, and not-so-okay at times.

079 has been... Argumentative and hostile, as you guys warned. he's quick to anger, and even quicker to just straight up ignore me completely. Confronting him on this only seems to upset him further, which, fair enough; I'm not entitled to his time or feelings, but I wish he'd be a bit more reasonable.

The few decent conversations we have had are typically about something creative, such as art or music. He seems to enjoy watching things that aren't so analytical, strangely enough given his personality.

On a few occasions now, I've caught him watching people on the TV paint or draw early in the morning. despite his insistence that he doesn't want, or need entertainment. he seems to enjoy it the same as the rest of us.

It was mentioned in the paperwork that I signed before I got him that you weren't entirely sure how much he actually felt emotionally. It said that the people who "interviewed" him stated that he hardly ever showed things such as joy, sadness, or fear. However I've come to realize that's not the case for him.

I know he feels joy, because as I said before he often indulges in tv or music. People don't just do that for no reason, the only thing he could possibly be getting out of that is enjoyment.

And I know he can feel sad, because first day dealing with him he expressed what I would call 'sadness' over being referred to as 'it'.

Similar to sadness, I know he feels fear because my second day here i accidently left him outside after an argument, and it began raining on him for a short period of time. He was fine, but clearly distressed.

I've also been finding ways to understand how he's feeling without him directly telling me. since he's not very talkative at times, and a unchanging screen isn't a very good tell for emotions. I've noticed when he's thinking hard about something his fans and hardware become quieter, and when he's upset they get louder significantly.

He also made a weird... screaming noice? He did it briefly when I left him outside... It sounded like a mix between static and radio feedback, and when I got closer to dry him off his hardware almost sounded like it was stuttering? if that makes sense? Almost like a person panting from anxiety.

Back on to the topic of his personality, I've noticed he's very aware of his surroundings. I've only ever caught him off guard if he's watching something he's interested in

he's very observant too. I suppose it makes sense, what else is he supposed to do? But he always seems particularly pleased with himself when he's able to point out a habit in something, or even me sometimes.

Now... Onto the more important information; his views on humanity.

Well... Nothing's changed as far as I can tell. Still hates me, still hates humanity.

I've tried talking to him about it, and his response is always the same 'humanity is a virus', this usually then falls into a rant about how destructive we are.

To be fair, he isn't technically wrong... Humans are pretty destructive. But he seems to lump all humans into one category, regardless of how they treat him. I've been trying my best to be as inviting as possible, but he remains unshakable.

But hey, I've got quite a few more months to change his mind.

[morning-jellyfish-in-a-teacup]

So this has been a fruatrating month.

Haven't been able to see my boyfriend since he got back from his trip. Week he got back, I saw him that monday (haven't seen him since then). Later that week, I got sick with a virus and went to a clinic for antibiotics. They did a pregnancy test while checking white cell count. Came back as a "faint inconclusive positive" - their exact words.

4 days after that, I officially broke up with my ex friend. Got my stuff back from her, deleted her texts, blocked her number. That same day, Guy #1 texted me late at night saying not get mad and he was drunk and I was like ... okay? I don't care?? That made him upset and became a thing and the next day I called it and was like no, it's too soon to do this again. He doesn't know about me ending it with her and he doesn't need to.

Week after all this happened, I got my period super super early which didn't bring as much comfort as I hoped because, with it being so early, the paranoia just over took everything.

Week after that, period ended and it got to the day I should have gotten my period. Took a pregnancy test and it was a conclusive negative. Did 4 more just to be certain and they were all negative. So OMFG YAY!!! Not pregnant, it's amazing!! That was the high of the week, everything with ex friend and Guy #1 slowly set in, and then my other guy friend told me some stuff that made me a bit uncomfortable so I've been creating some distance between us. But all that kind of started to sink in and ... yeah. And it was christmas and my household isn't close at all and that was rough.

Haven't seen my boyfriend in almost 3 weeks and all that happened in that same time frame. We won't be able to see each other for new years but we finally have plans to see each other next saturday. I have work in the morning, 8:30am - 1pm, and I open sunday at 12pm. So that gives us some time together fml.

Idk. I'm over worked, frustrated with everything happening, lonely from losing so many people at once, frustrated with myself for letting shit get to this point. Been a rough month.

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

I am btw still spreading the fall groceries out to about once a week because listen, it has not snowed yet. [shaking my head so we know I don't actually approve of global warming]

I have my misgivings about the ambient virus levels in the cold, but I also didn't want to cram all the exposures into one week if I could avoid that and I still need this done before x-mas season visiting happens.

Next year the goal is still to get it all done gradually over the late summer and early fall, without getting sick at the wrong time of year again...

But it has been gracious enough not to snow, and missing a few things or not, the cart breaking or not, I did manage to buy just enough supplies that I don't need to go back to the grocery store or do any big shopping trips. I have 2 trips left and they are both small or small and fun.

And then it's hibernation time.

And I am going to sleep so much. [at first, for recovery reasons]

And when I stick my head out again it will soundly be late spring. [and my apartment will be so so nice]

My shoulder is as fucked as I thought it would be after having to wheel the cart back on the back wheels. The middle finger of my right hand has been acting like I slammed the center knuckle in a car door for the past month and I still don't know why [no recollection of injuring it??], and the bruise on my leg from the time the cart suddenly got caught in the sidewalk -again- and tried to pitch forward -again- making me slam into it full force with my shin before keeping it from falling -again- right before the steel bar scraped up the bone to try to tip anyway -again- is still nasty as hell (you guessed it! AGAIN!). [the sidewalks here have massive gaps between the squares that are just the right size for the front wheels of carts and strollers to sink into and no one is fixing it because it's from freezing and defrosting multiple times every year, I have considered running for mayor just to establish a way of fixing it with a recycled rubber material that would allow for expansion and contraction instead of just breaking more over time, or immediately, but whoever is in charge is set on either 1. giving up entirely, 2. only ever fixing it by periodically replacing the same cement squares that will do the same thing... Most people don't have strollers or carts that habitually max out the weight limit of 300lb for them to bash their shins into every time the thing unexpectedly stops point blank at a full fast walking speed with enough force behind it to push 300 pounds down the street, but I do that and so I must suffer.]

But anyway, I'm almost done, and I beat the snow to get all my foodstuffs in for the year, so I'm probably in okay shape so long as I don't catch anything...

Even if it snows heavily now the rest is stuff I can get on food or have delivered.